Swarm

This is about my vanity, my egotism, my arrogance and how I have ignored all of it for a long time now; longer than usual. My thoughts are swarming and I have been seeing them come at a distance and now they are all over me. I can’t ignore them anymore.

I hate to make this about appearance but it’s the first thing I see every morning after I walk my fat-ass into the bathroom and the huge mirror reflects my visibly fat ass back at me. It’s not a nice fat ass, it’s a ginormous fat ass that indicates my lack of self-care. I don’t know what’s more important anymore – my mental health or my physical appearance? Maybe they are both equally important and I just can’t do both. Excuses. A swarm of excuses. I wave them off violently because they are a distraction of my state of not giving a fuck.

This is my header quote on my Instagram page: It is more necessary to heal the soul than the body, for to die is better than to live a bad life. – Epictetus Enchiridion

Then why am I being swarmed by these thoughts and emotions? Is it because I don’t feel I’m living a good life that I am focused on how I’m not healing my body? And because I’m focused on how I’m not healing body that I am feeling defeated and gross about how I look? What comes first? What should come first?

Goal: happiness

via Daily Prompt: Swarm

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